


Parental Guidance Advised

by HGRising



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: F/M, Kids, M/M, Multi, Neuller - Freeform, Schweinski, christoph is a pretty princess, goetze, hoemmels, just kid things, shhh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3456236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HGRising/pseuds/HGRising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the first day of international break, the players of the Germany National Team have some very special tyrants--I mean visitors who... visit... among other things.</p><p>The kids are more than alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parental Guidance Advised

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So I got this ask the other day, and I really wanted to write it (yeah, literally the only thing you have to do to get me to write something is to shove it front of me and make me want to do it)… even though I have like ten other things to write and three other tests to study for. So, here are some fragments of what a day of the DFB and kids might be like. I hope you all enjoy it. ^^ Thank you for reading all the ish I write. 
> 
> Ask: "I need a fic where the kids of German NT players just hang around some training ground and boss the adult players around. C'mon, imagine Thomas playing a horse for Boa's daughters. Christoph would always have time to sit down and listen to whatever story any kid has to tell. Louis would demand three different players get him juice and they all run. Klose twins show up with their dad in tow, and if anyone dares to question why Miro is here again, the twins kick them on the shin. GIMME."
> 
> I hope you like it, anon. ^^

**Parental Guidance Advised**

//

The team bus lurched to a stop in front of the training grounds, and the loud hiss of the double doors opening masked the long suffering sigh of the bus driver. It had been a long drive from their hotel, and he was glad he had a few hours to himself until he had to drive them back. He shuddered to think about how it would be if this happened on a regular basis. As it was, this one experience was already enough to get him to hold off on starting a family.

Automatically, he waved goodbye to them with a plastic smile on his face as they all exited his bus and noticed that each one was behaving perfectly. Except, he wouldn’t be fooled twice. He couldn’t pull out of the stadium’s entrance fast enough. Perhaps, he could get one of his buddies to cover for him on the return trip.

//

As the team got off in small groups, hurried by the high strung bus driver, the sunlight bounced off the receding morning fog around their feet to add a slight dramatic flair to their long awaited entrance.

Eagerly, the reporters and fans alike clamored to capture and document the team’s arrival.

Unfortunately, the players and staff didn’t slow down like they usually did to sign and greet their well wishers.

More curious, as they walked quickly to keep up with them, the observers spotted tiny feet in between the players and bundles in a few of their arms.

Rushing past them with Philipp beside him and carrying one of the bundles, Jogi shouted over his shoulder as he ushered his team in, “Practice is closed to outsiders today!”

Quickly, they crowded him, demanding an explanation. “What? Why today?”

“I apologize. There are some unexpected visitors today, and we wish for them not to be photographed.”

“Who’s visiting?”

Vaguely, Jogi explained, “They’re _very_ _important_ visitors, and we wish also for their identities to not be disclosed. Thank you for coming out to support us, and thank you understanding.”

“But wait!”

“He said ‘Thank you!’" Philipp interjected, putting an end to the conversation.

With that, Jogi unceremoniously slammed the door in their faces, locking it and leaving them speechless and confused.

Most left when it seemed neither Jogi nor Philipp were coming back to let them in, but a few stayed behind to discuss and ponder over just whom the visitors could be and why they hadn’t seen anyone come in before as they waited.

Finally, one of them thought to ask, "Wait, why was Philipp here?"

//

Meanwhile, in the stadium, with the addition of the very important visitors to the day’s training session, practice was essentially canceled to make time for more important team bonding exercises. And, as soon as Jogi gave them permission, the players scattered to appease their demanding visitors.

More accurately, most of his teammates were dragged off, but Kevin shuffled his feet as he stayed, choosing to keep close to Louis as his father’s attention was stolen away.

He looked down at Louis with a toothy smile and greeted him. "Hey, Louis. Remember me?"

In response, Louis turned the corners of his moth down and squinted up at Kevin. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, mirroring his frown.

“I'm thirsty. I want chocolate milk."

Caught off guard by the declaration, Kevin nervously cleared his throat, and the joints in Kevin's knees popped as he quickly crouched down to talk to him. "Oh, okay. Right. Well, I don't think we have chocolate milk. Sorry, buddy. We have water and some sports drinks, though. And, if you really want, I think we can find some regular milk."

Unyielding, Louis repeated, “I want chocolate milk.” He crossed his arms jutted his chin out, staring at Kevin and keeping his eyes level to his.

“I know, buddy. I’m really sorry,” Kevin repeated at a loss. Frankly, Louis’ stare made him shiver with their intensity. He felt himself break out in a cold sweat. “Do you want to see what we do have?”

“No. I want chocolate milk.”

“But—”

“Chocolate milk,” Louis demanded again.

Kevin stood there with his mouth opening and closing like a clueless fish. He had never been able to spend much time with Louis, save for his brief babysitting stint after they won the World Cup the year before. However, he never would have guessed that little Louis Podolski with his big, blue eyes and angelic pout could be capable of being difficult like he was now.

“I promise. I’ll get you some later. But, right now… I don’t… We have regular milk,” he tried again.

After what Kevin thought was a year’s worth of tense silence, Louis' lower lip began to quiver. Kevin's eyes locked onto that lip quiver, and his heart hurt, guilt growing. It was like he was denying someone their right to happiness.

“Daddy said you’d take care of me,” Louis whispered finally.

Kevin's guilt intensified. "He did?"

Keeping his eyes down and toeing the grass with his boots—a replica of his father’s and coincidentally Bastian’s—, Louis nodded fervently.

“He said you were really good with kids," he continued. "So he told me to stay with you cause you’d know how to take care of me.”

Touched, Kevin’s eyes widened slightly and his heart fluttered, taking in the new information. He let out a short guffaw and stammered, “Well, I don’t know if I’m _really good_ with kids, but I try my best, and your daddy’s really good with kids himself and an all around good guy, and a great judge of character, so maybe—”

Placing a finger in front of his lips, Louis cut his rambling short. “Kevin?” He asked.

Kevin looked at the finger held before him and quieted, nodding at Louis to continue.

“I’m thirsty.”

“Err. Right. Well, I guess I could ask around, and—”

Putting his hand on his shoulder, Louis stated, “It's my favorite, and I want it now, Uncle Kevin.”

He let out another guffaw and blushed, unable to look in Louis’ eyes. “I’m sorry, Louis. I really just don’t—wait. Wow. Uncle Kevin? Umm. I mean, wow. Uncle? Uncle Kevin,” he grinned foolishly as the words hit him, feeling the title on his tongue and liking how it sounded. “I guess I can see what I can do. Since it’s your favorite. Let me just check around first, okay? I’ll be back in ten minutes,” he said, standing up.

“I’m thirsty _now_ , though.”

Kevin tiled his head to the side, troubled. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. He didn’t want to displease the boy, especially not after he had learned that Lukas had praised him _and_ that Louis considered him an uncle. “Five minutes?” 

Teetering on his toes, Louis clasped his hands behind his back and stared at a point behind Kevin. Looking back at Kevin, Louis smiled winningly at him and almost too cheerfully announced, “Okay, I can wait then.”

Kevin noticed that he looked just like his father when he smiled like that, and he internally melted at the sight until Louis sent another sliver of dread as he continued.

“I’ll just talk to Daddy and _Uncle_ Basti while you’re gone. Mmm… you know, maybe I should just ask Uncle Basti if he can get me some chocolate milk instead.”

At that, Kevin gestured wildly as if to stop him and squeaked out in a panic, “Wait. _Uncle_ Basti? Let’s not get too hasty here, Louis. I told you I can get it, and I’ll get it. Don’t you worry about that.”

“Are you sure? I mean, Uncle Basti can probably get it easier and quicker since everyone has to listen to him since he’s Captain. What are you again, Uncle Kevin?”

“I’m uh… I’m uh, part of the team. I’m a defender,” he answered, the frown returning to his face.

“Oh yeah. I always forget cause Daddy doesn’t talk about you much. It’s always about Uncle Basti. Or Uncle Mesut. He says they play really good, and they're really nice to me and give me everything I want like Daddy would. You don’t play much, do you? I don’t see you that often. Why don’t you get to play a lot?”

“I’m just as good as those two, and I play plenty!” He told him. Finding his resolve, he squared his shoulders and promised, “I’ll get you your chocolate milk if it’s the last thing I do, alright buddy? Just promise you won’t go over there.”

“Don’t forget chocolate ice cream.”

Kevin almost tripped over his own feet. “Ice cream? Wait. I don’t know. I don’t think your daddy wants you having ice cream so early. Why don’t I just get you that chocolate milk instead and maybe we can freeze it and pretend?”

“Oh, I see,” Louis said, his voice laced with disappointment. Looking around, he added, “It’s okay if you can’t get it. I’ll just ask Uncle Per.”

 _"Per_? Hold on, let’s not drag more people into this. This is just between me and you, okay?”

“But you said you wouldn’t get me ice cream.”

“I know what I said. But that was before. Just give me two minute tops.”

“Two minutes?”

“For the chocolate milk _and_ ice cream.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Chocolate milk _and_ ice cream?”

“Chocolate milk and ice cream,” he confirmed seriously.

Louis seemed to think it over, and Kevin might have pledged his complete allegiance if Louis hadn’t finally replied, advising, “Better make it a double chocolate chip swirl.”

“What? That’s—”

“Just go,” Louis prompted, crossing his arms again. “You’re running out of time.”

Stunned, Kevin tried to process what was happening.

“You have two minutes.”

“Wait. But I—”

“Go!”

“Shit,” he swore, thinking it better to just do first and ask questions later. “Okay. Wait here and don’t talk to anyone!”

.

Luan and Noah, who had been listening to the entire exchange, came up behind Louis. They pitied Kevin and his quest for chocolate dairy products.

Luan told Louis, “You’re going to scar him for life.”

“But it’s fun.”

“Does your daddy know what you’re doing?”

“Probably not. Are you going to tattle on me?”

“Nope. He kinda really has it coming if he's trying to get to Uncle Poldi through you.”

“Yep,” Noah agreed. “We like Uncle Basti with Uncle Poldi a lot more, anyway.”

“Especially if our daddy can’t be," Luan added under his breath just so his brother could hear.

Puzzled as to why his two friends were laughing to themselves, Louis asked, “What's so funny?”

“Polish bros,” the twins chorused immediately, sharing a sly smile.

“Weirdos. What's that even mean?”

“You’ll see when we’re older,” Noah promised.

“Whatever. Keep your secret. Come on! Let’s go mess with the other adults. It’ll be even more fun.”

Without another word, they watched as Louis ran off in the Jerome’s direction, raising his arms up so he’d carry him and pouting until he finally did.

“You’re going to have your hands full,” his brother remarked.

“But he’s so cute.”

“Then, you’re going to have competition.”

“You better not be thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

Before he ran off to catch up to Louis, he teasingly reminded him, “Polish bros.”

//

As the others worked or kept the kids occupied, Manuel watched with a disapproving eye as Thomas played horse to Jerome’s daughters. He was on all fours and trying to gallop as best he could in circles in the grass not too far from him, and Manuel was worried that he’d hurt himself. Silently, he waited for Jerome to step in and put a stop to it, but Jerome was more interested in teaching Miro and Lukas’ sons how to effectively execute a chest bump than reining in his daughters.

He called to his other teammates, “How are you two doing back there?”

“Almost done,” Lukas called back distractedly. He was having some trouble deciding whether to set up the napkins in a triangle shape or try for something fancier.

“Well, can you hurry it up?”

“I don’t see you helping,” he said, deciding on a fancier upright fan shape.

“I’m supervising.”

“Supervising what?”

“The horse.”

“I think Thomas is going to be fine, Manu.”

“But, they’re not even riding him properly.”

Unable to resist, Bastian stopped setting up the makeshift seat cushions and snorted, “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think?”

“If it means what I think it means, I wouldn’t be one to talk, Mister ‘Schweinski doesn’t exist but here’s a bunch of pictures of me and him doing gay stuff anyway.’”

Bastian let out a yelp as a small cup hit his ear. “He's kidding! And, I said I was sorry. Geez.”

“Sure, now you’re sorry,” Lukas muttered, grabbing the cushions from Bastian’s hands.

"You sure are whipped for someone who’s not even in a pretend marriage.”

“Shut up, Manu! Poldi’s still mad so stop reminding him.”

“Make me,” Manuel huffed, already annoyed that Thomas' attention was elsewhere.

“I will. So, shut _up_.”

“You shut up.”

“No, you shut up.”

“No, you.”

“You first.”

“You.”

“You.”

“F—”

“ _Finished_!” Lukas suddenly declared, glaring at the two of them for not helping in the least. “Manu, call Tommy over. We’re ready.”

“Finally.” Cupping his hands around his mouth, Manu shouted, “Hey, Thomas! You can stop now! The princesses’ tea party is set up!”

Although the girls heard Manuel, instead of ordering him to slow down, the girls tapped Thomas on his head and urged him to keep going.

“The tea will have to wait. The princesses want to keep riding,” Soley announced in a loud regal tone as she and her sister giggled.

“What? No, come back here already. Thomas!”

"No, horsey. Keep going."

Conflicted, Thomas yelled dutifully back to Manuel, “I can’t, Manu! The princesses want to keep going!”

Encouraging Thomas to go faster, Lamia ordered him, "Go horsey, go!”

“Yeah! Go faster!” Soley shouted in agreement from behind her sister.

Obligingly, Thomas ignored the pain in his knees and palms and did his best to imitate a gallop for the girls. And, as a compromise, he headed in Manuel's direction, too.

As he got closer to where the tea party was set up, Lamia praised him. “You’re such a good horse!”

Thomas bleated a flattered in response, trying to keep his breathing controlled. “Baa!”

“Horsey, that’s a sheep,” she pointed out.

“Whoops. Neiiigh.”

“Close enough.”

“Thanks,” he panted, the sweat dripping off his brow.

Putting a caramel in his mouth, she said, “Here, horsey, a treat. You're working really hard.”

Manuel grew frustrated as Thomas slowly approached them. “Damn it, Thomas! Just come here already.”

“No, horsey! Don’t listen to the bad man.”

“Daddy! The bad man said a swear."

“What? I did not!”

“Yeah, you kinda did, Manu!” He agreed from below the two. He slowed down to a crawl around the makeshift tea party,

Feeding him another caramel, she pet him, saying, “That’s right, horsey. Good horsey.”

“You know. I think I kinda like this.”

“Thomas! Focus. Just make them get off and stop already.”

“Call me horsey.”

“Damn it. Alright, this is ridiculous. If you don't come to me, I'm going to you."

"Daddy he swore again!"

“No. Wait. Don't. And stop swearing. You're sullying the princesses' precious ears.”

Fed up, Manuel walked over to the three of them with a determined look in his eye.

Seeing him coming, Thomas cautioned them, “Hold on, princesses." As he stood up, the girls held onto his neck and shoulders, careful not to fall off as he ran. “I’m a horse now!” He insisted as he began to run. “I’m free to do as I please. You should know that feeling, Manu, and I—”

Almost instantly, he tripped on the grass and fell. Fortunately, the girls had landed and bounced on the seat cushions that Lukas had set up, and they all let out a relieved sigh once they saw that the princesses were safe. On the other hand, Jerome, who had been watching the entire thing with Noah, Luan, and Louis beside him, hit Thomas upside his head as soon as he got close enough.

Thomas cried, “This is animal abuse!”

“Sit your grown ass down,” Jerome growled, narrowing his eyes at Thomas. “You’re lucky there are kids here.”

“Yes, sir,” Thomas said obediently, sitting down on a cushion next to the princesses.

.

Bastian snickered as Thomas had to quietly play tea party with the girls as Jerome watched over him like a hawk.

“The horseman is silly,” Noah said.

“The horseman is really silly,” Luan agreed.

“More like stupid,” Bastian corrected. “Wait a minute. Why are you two here? Your dad re—”

Luan sharply cut him off. “Don’t use the R word!”

“Daddy’s here cause he’s supposed to be.”

“But—”

Kicking him in his shin, the twins shouted, “Shut up, stupid Schweini!”

“Alright. I’m sorry,” he conceded, kneeling on the grass in pain as all the boys ran off to their father, who opted to talk to the staff instead of play servant to the other kids.

After they had left, Louis walked up to him and patted him on his head sympathetically. “Sorry, Uncle Basti. But you shouldn’t say those things. It makes people sad,” he admonished before he ran to catch up with the twins.

Bastian swore to himself quietly again as Louis left and rubbed his shins. Now that he mentioned it, Philipp, Per, and their children were here as well. He was about to ask the others what it meant, but the throbbing pain persuaded him not to bring it up to anyone else.

“Did it hurt?”

He looked up and saw Lukas. Pouting, he said, “Yeah, it really did.”

“ _Good."_

“You’re _still_ mad?”

“Does the book _still_ exist?”

Bastian sighed and apologized for the umpteenth time.

//

In their own patch of field away from the senior members of the team, Matthias carefully rolled the ball to Paul and watched as Paul tried to kick the ball back to him. He ooh’ed and aww’ed when Paul fell on his bottom, rushing over to brush off the grass stains and kiss him better.

Hugging the small boy to him, Matthias looked up at Erik and asked, “Can we have one when we get back?”

Scratching his nose, Erik avoided Matthias' hopeful eyes. “Maybe. If Mats lets. I mean, where would we even get one?”

“I don’t know. Where do babies usually come from?”

Quickly, Erik felt his face redden, and his mind searched for a means of escape. This was not his problem, not really. He'd leave it to Mats later. “Uhh… you know? I think I hear Miro calling for me. See you later! And, don’t kidnap Paul!”

Unfortunately for him, as if they were summoned whenever their father's name was mentioned, Noah and Luan  intercepted Erik's escape midway and began their interrogation.

“What are you doing with our daddy?”

“Yeah. He’s our daddy.”

“Are you trying to steal him from us?”

“Don’t try to steal him. It's rude.”

"Homewrecker."

“How tall are you? Are you taller than daddy?”

“Why are you being mean?”

“You’re making Luan sad.”

“Yeah, you’re making me sad.”

“Daddy wouldn’t like that.”

“He wouldn’t.”

“Why do you always stick out your tongue when you play?”

"Or like now."

“Are you a puppy?”

“Are you trying to be part of our family.”

“We’ve already got a Mommy though, so you can’t be that. And horseman’s already the family pet I think.”

“Yeah, he’s already got us, Mommy, and the horseman to take care of.”

“The horseman takes a lot of Daddy’s energy, too.”

“A lot,” Noah agreed, nodding.

“He can’t adopt you.”

“He’s _never_ going to adopt you.”

Frowning and confused by their dizzying questions and words, Erik tried to explain himself, “I know, I just—”

“But we might be able to help.”

The twins grinned mischievously up at Erik, and Erik knew he'd regret it, but he accepted anyway.

//

Mesut sipped his imaginary tea and rolled his eyes as Lukas stuffed a football under his shirt and pretended to be pregnant. After Erik had left his question unanswered, Matthias had come over to the tea party to ask one of them to explain where babies came from. Bastian and Lukas practically jumped at the chance. And, even though he initially dreaded Lukas' explanation of procreation, he was pleasantly surprised to hear the accuracy of Lukas' explanation. However, he was fairly certain the explanation could have done without Bastian gushing over Lukas fake rounded belly.

Sighing, he sipped his tea again and allowed himself a small smile. Some things never changed.

On his other side, Sami nudged him, disturbing him from his reflection.

“Yeah?”

Whispering, Sami told him, “We're way cuter than they are.”

He hid his smirk with his teacup.

//

To the left of Mesut, Christoph sat patiently while Soley and Lamia put blush and lipstick on him. Unfortunately, the girls had been chattering and telling him stories the entire time, so he didn't quite catch why Lukas had put a football up his shirt and started pretending it was his baby. He also wondered whether or not he should congratulate Bastian. It might have been presumptuous of Christoph, but he was fairly certain Bastian would be the father. There was no one else he could think of.

"Here! Look!" She said, distracting him.

Lamia suddenly thrusted in front of him and held it up for him to see.

Inspecting himself, Christoph was fairly impressed. Other than the hair pulling he experienced when they put his hair up in pins, the girls were quite good, and he felt like a pretty princess already.

“Your eyes are really pretty,” Soley said, putting eyeliner on him now. “They’re like a real princess’ eyes.”

“Really? Let me see!" Her sister dropped the mirror to get a good look at him. "Oh, wow. They look like Rapunzel’s eyes.”

“You’re right!”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Does anyone have a pink dress?! It's an emergency!”

//

Andre and Julian uncomfortably sat in the itchy grass as they were the unwilling witnesses to Mario and Marco’s wedding. It was a fairly heavy handed punishment considering all they did was accidentally spill Louis’ chocolate milk during one of their couple fights. At the very least, Andre was pretty sure the two soon-to-be newlyweds looked almost pleased with the arrangement. It wouldn’t have surprised Andre if that were the case, anyway.

Standing in the middle of them all, Louis hushed them and commanded their attention. “For the crime of spilling the royal chocolate milk. I declare you two husband and wife. You guys can decide who the mommy is. You may kiss the bride whoever you are.”

“Louis, are you sure we should be doing this?” Kevin asked. He wasn't looking forward to seeing either of his teammates kissing.

“Chill, Kevin. It’s just pretend marriage. They aren’t really married.”

“Aww. Really?” Mario grumbled when he heard the news.

Patting him on the head, Marco comforted him. “It’s okay, Sunny. Pretend marriage is fun, too.”

“Yeah. See, Kevin? They’re obviously really into it. So, just go with it so I can eat cake.”

Excitedly, Mario exclaimed, “Cake?! Where did you get cake? I want cake.”

“It’s royal cake. Kevin got it for me.”

“And only him,” Kevin clarified, glaring at Mario and daring him to try to steal some cake. He cut one slice for Louis and kept the rest with him.

“That’s playing favorites,” Julian pointed out.

“No shit.”

Annoyed at Kevin for denying Mario cake, Marco stated, “Well, it’s not fair. You’re only sucking up cause you’re trying to get closer to Poldi.”

“Screw you. You guys can get your own cake.”

“You have an entire cake. Louis can’t possibly finish that.”

“It’s still his. Get your own.”

“I want that cake,” Mario said, pouting and pointing to Louis who had already started eating a slice with no plans to share. "It's my wedding cake now."

“Yeah, he wants his wedding cake.”

“Are you guys serious? _No.”_

“Give it.”

“No. Get away,” Kevin said, dodging as Mario made to grab the cake from his hands.

They grappled on the floor awkwardly with Kevin keeping the cake out of Mario's reach.

Standing close to the scuffle, Louis warned, “Stop it. You're going to make me drop it.”

However, they paid no heed to him.

Sighing and holding his cake above his head, he tried to get away from the two men rolling on the floor. As they continued to fight, he repeated, “Stop it.”

When they kept going, Marco joined in, trying to split the two up, but Mario was firmly attached to the cake and wouldn’t let go.

“Stop," Louis tried again, "You’re going to make me spill my… oomph!... cake…” He looked down at his cake and then back at the them. “I warned you. You guys are in so much trouble.” Taking in a deep breath, Louis screamed at the top of his lungs, “Daddy! Uncle Basti! They’re bullying me!!”

"Wait! No! Louis, we're sorry."

"There's more cake right here, Louis."

"We're really sorry, just—please."

"Too late," he said, sticking his tongue out at them.

From further down the field where the tea party had been set up, they heard Bastian angrily yell, “Who the f—”

"Forget it, just run!"

It didn't take more than a second before they scrambled to get away and find hiding places. They didn't really want to find out what would happen to anyone who was found to have wronged the Captain and the First Lady's son.

.

Pleased with the outcome, Louis watched his father and Bastian quickly capture the criminals and mete out their punishments.

Beside him, Mesut appeared. “Nice,” he commented.

Looking up at him, Louis gave him a fist bump and they grinned at each other, both enjoying the view as Bastian and Lukas made their teammates lie down with their faces in the grass as they lectured them on bullying, especially Lukas' son.

After a comfortable pause, Louis remembered his cake and asked, “Can you get me more cake?”

“No.”

Louis pursed his lips and stared at Mesut, but Mesut didn’t flinch or melt or do much of anything like the other adults would. He only looked back at him. This was one of the reasons why Louis liked hanging out with Mesut. He didn’t let Louis boss him around.

“Okay. Then, can we go play tea party with the others?”

“Yeah. Come on. Lamia can make you into a pretty princess too.”

"Cool!"

//

Sven and Lars stared at Noah and Luan. Behind them, they saw Erik with a sign that said 'adopt me' around his neck. They didn't get to ask about it, though, because the twins had started to speak to them.

“You guys are twins? That’s so weird,” one of them said.

Erik almost choked on his laughter, stopping only as Sven glared at him.

“Here, we made you two signs to wear so people can tell you apart!”

“We don’t need signs,” Sven said, furrowing his brows. At the very least, this explained Erik's sign..

“Yes, you do.”

“No, we don’t.”

"Yeah-huh."

“Why don’t you two wear signs then?”

“Because we’re different people.”

“Obviously.”

“Just wear the signs.”

“But—”

“Do it.”

Noah shoved the fingerpainted signs into Lars' hands, and Lars looked at the signs thoughtfully.

“They’re kinda cute,” he decided, handing one to his brother.

Sven took the sign but rolled his eyes. “You’re such a pushover.”

“I guess that makes you the evil twin,” Luan deduced, handing him the red, handmade horns. “ _Wear this one too_.”

Looking over to Lars, who had already placed the sign around his neck, he sighed. "Fine."

//

Jogging up to Mats and Bene, Toni let out a relieved gasp. “I—oh, thank God. Bene. Thanks for taking care of him. I turned around for just a second at the tea party, and he was gone.”

“Hey, Toni. Who are you talking about? Who was gone?”

“Leon. My son. You’re holding him,” he explained.

“No, you must be mistaken. This is our son,” Mats said, tickling the toddler’s side.

Toni frowned at the two of them. “No, pretty sure he’s mine."

“Well, I'm definitely sure he’s ours.”

“This isn’t funny, you guys. I"m too tired for your jokes. Just give him back.”

Benedikt shifted him in his arms and held him more protectively to his chest. “Whoa, Mats. Can you believe it? Someone wants to take our baby away just cause we’re different.”

“What are you talking about? I just want Leon back.”

“That's not very nice, Toni. Homophobia is wrong. Plus, his name is Erwin.”

“ _Erwin_?”

“It’s a family name. We decided it’d be Emma for a girl and Erwin for a boy.”

“Wait a minute… Emma and Erwin? Aren't those the names of your teams' mascots?”

“Yeah, see. Family name.”

“And, it’s not just a mascot’s name anymore.”

Toni sighed heavily. “His name is Leon.” Finally, he reached for Leon, but Mats slapped his hand away.

“Sorry, Toni. Finders keepers.”

“No, Mats. Why? Don’t encourage Bene.”

“I just want him to be happy.”

“With my son?”

“Our son.”

“So you two are saying that you two have a son together. Even though you aren’t even together, and that’s my son.”

“Our son,” he repeated.

“Give him back!”

“Don’t make me go into Mom mode and beat your ass.”

“Wait, _Mats_. You're the mom?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“No reason…," he backtracked hastily. "Look, just give Leon back, and we can pretend this didn’t happen.”

“But he’s our son.”

"And we love him."

“Damn it, you two. He's my son, and I love him.”

.

From the sidelines, Philipp and Julian had spotted the argument and decided to investigate. Looking at the three of them, Philipp asked, “What’s going on here?”

Mimicking his father, Julian also asked, “What’s going on here?”

Quickly, Toni took his chance and pointed at Mats and Benedikt in accusation. “Those two stole _my son_.”

Philipp's lips thinned as he looked at the toddler in Benedikt's arms. “Who, Erwin?”

Again, Julian repeated, "Erwin? Who? Erwin?"

“His name is Leon!”

“Are you sure? Mats and Bene showed him to me before, and he does look like an Erwin to me."

"Erwin. Erwin!"

“His name is Leon, and it’s a great name, damn it.”

Philipp flicked his arm. “Hey. Watch your mouth. There are children here.”

“Yeah, watch your mouth, chilren,” Julian repeated.

“ _My_ child. My child is here,” Toni argued in frustration. “I just want him back before something bad happens to him and Jess kills me. You’re the voice of reason here, Philipp. Come on. Help me.”

“Alright, alright. How about this? Julian? Why don’t you take this one? Do it like how I taught you, okay?"

"Are you serious?"

"Did you want help?" Philipp assured him, "Don't worry. I've been teaching him."

"Fine."

"Alright, Julian. Go on."

“Okay, Daddy.” Scrunching up his nose, Julian didn't even feign hesitation before he decreed, “Baby Erwin belongs to those two daddies cause they look prettier. The other one should be punished for making the other two daddies sad and lying.”

"Yes! Thanks, Julian," Benedikt cheered happily before he ran off with Mats and Erwin.

“I was not lying. Philipp, are you serious? Stop them!”

“Sorry. It's out of my hands, and he seems pretty set."

"Yep, set," Julian agreed.

"What should his punishment be, Julian?"

"Wait. Seriously?"

Philipp shrugged. "Out of my hands."

"Daddy, he should be fed to the lions."

"Alright, good job, Julian. We'll work on those punishments later, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

.

In defeat, Toni dropped to the grass in defeat. Jessica was going to kill him, so he might as well take the lions. 

//

“Dance, dance!”

"Your son's adorable," Miro said, smiling at the bundle in Per's arms. "But, what does he keeping saying?"

Although, the words came out more as gibberish than anything else, Shkodran understood the primal urge to dance resonating in the baby, and answered for Per. "He's telling us to dance. Come on, Per. Let’s get this party started.”

“That’s notorious BFG to you,” Per agreed immediately. Looking down at his youngest son before he passed him to Miro to hold, he cooed, “Featuring, the littlest freaking giant.”

"Oh, well, this sounds like fun," Miro remarked.

"Yep. It will be."

"Yep. Pants off, dance-off?"

"Deal."

"Wait. No." He desperately tried to cover up the innocent child's eyes. 

//

As he sat crosslegged on the damp grass with a plastic pink teacup and saucer in his hand, Holger watched in shock as the chaos unraveled around him. Worse, he was pretty sure he saw Per and Shkodran getting ready for one of their pants off dance-off battles, but he didn’t want to risk looking again.

“I… how long have I been gone?”

From across him, Lamia stuck out her pinky finger and replied, “Too long, child. Now drink your imaginary tea, it’s getting cold maybe.”

//

Jogi stared out at his happy band of mischievous misfits and their offspring and got a little misty eyed, especially because the ones he thought he’d never see again had come back.

He and Daniela had no children of their own, so he had always considered his players something like his sons. He watched them grow up and couldn’t be prouder about how they turned out.

Unfortunately, like they often did, a sudden shout from one of his sons broke his peaceful revelry.

“Jogi! Watch out!”

All too late, he was hit in the face by what he quickly surmised to be Shkodran’s shorts and a baby onesie. Throwing them both down to the ground, he grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Yep, there was no one prouder.

//

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, that was an ordeal. Surprisingly, they don’t have as many children as I thought they would. :( They better fix that. And, for those who don’t know, here’s the kids list. Per’s sons are Paul and LFG (I don’t know his name cause Per’s so secretive…). Lukas’ son is Louis. Toni’s son is Leon. Jerome’s daughters are Soley and Lamia. Philipp’s son is Julian. Miro’s sons are Noah and Luan.  
> 


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